That time we got laid off and were grateful.
First, let's say it - getting laid off sucks like a vacuum. It's generally a surprise (and not a "it's your birthday, have some cake!" kind of surprise. More of a "what's that awful grinding sound coming out of my engine" kind of surprise). Even though it's usually a company's financial decision that has nothing to do with you, it feels personal - like somehow you failed, that there's something wrong with you, that you should have seen it coming. You may or may not have gotten severance - either way, you have an immediate or near future lack of income that will affect your ability to pay the bills. You might have to figure out what to do about insurance, ongoing expenses (like child care), and even how you're going to find and apply for new jobs. And then there's the emotional part of it - the anger that this happened to you and you had no control over it, the grief at losing your livelihood, friendships, and routine, the fear that you won't be able to find something else or that you aren't worthy. There is no part of being laid off that someone would describe as "fun". It is an awful experience and claiming otherwise would be both irresponsible and disingenuous.
I had plenty of feels about getting laid off. First I had the horrible worry for my co-workers and team that had been let go - would they find jobs quickly? What about those on visas? Could I help? Then I had to deal with the guilt - how did I miss the signs? How could I not have known? Could I have done something differently? This guilt transitioned smoothly into self-pity - How could they do this to me when I worked so hard? Why had I spent so much time and energy on this project? A little self-care, in the form of a back to back viewing of Cocaine Bear and the Meg 2 (self-care means different things to different people - don’t judge me), and I was able to move on to, to confront the terrifying specter of “what’s next?”, self-examination, the setting of new goals, and the dreaded applying for new jobs in a down market (which I’ll talk about in Cocaine Bear-level gruesome detail in a future post).
This holiday season, I’m grateful for movies like Cocaine Bear, a masterpiece that critic Brian Gill describes as “Easily the best movie I've ever seen featuring a bear consuming a metric ton of cocaine. EASILY. Paddington could never.” (Listen to the review)
So, given all of that, it's hard to imagine how on earth you might be grateful for getting laid off. Why would you ever feel gratitude for losing your job? Surprisingly, there are several reasons to (eventually - post-movie marathon) feel grateful for being laid off. They stem from how we, as humans, have a tendency to settle, pursuing the path of least resistance, and how unexpected change of any kind is a powerful catalyst (even if it is often unwanted). Change, especially big change, forces us to understand:
You Are Not Your Job
Inertia is Sneaky
We Take A Lot for Granted
You Are Not Your Job
"Warranties, like rent and office work, are but constructs that were never meant to serve us." Ada Powers, Recipe for TotWaffles
Imagine you're at a cocktail party. You're mingling, meeting new people, enjoying the host's signature maple old-fashioned, and generally feeling great and mellow. The host comes up to you with a stranger in tow and introduces them as Chris, a friend of theirs from the extreme knitting class they attend every Thursday. What's the first question you ask Chris, as you get to know them?
"What do you do?"
It is ingrained in our social DNA to identify ourselves (and hence others) through occupation. Historically, for those of European descent, even our last names (Baker, Smith, Carpenter, Butcher, Weaver, Barista, etc.) reflect the profession of our ancestors. We often describe ourselves to others, starting with our profession (a designer, engineer, doctor, lawyer....). We may even identify so strongly with our profession that we include our company as part of that identity (an engineer for Google, a designer for Meta, an executive for IBM...). That identification quickly becomes your truth. It's no surprise that people feel lost and adrift when they get laid off - the primary way they think about themselves, their self-worth, their ego, is intimately connected with not only their job but the company. It's a gut punch that leaves you questioning "who am I?".
"I'm not Adventure Barbie! I'm Stereotypical Barbie!"
Barbie, The Barbie Movie
But that is exactly why we can be grateful for getting laid off. Being forced to undergo an extremely uncomfortable self-examination lets us uncover strengths and talents that we have likely left fallow and unexplored. No job fully makes use of all of your talents - it can't. We are all multi-faceted, multi-talented creatures and yet we allow ourselves to be limited (in fact, limit ourselves) by putting ourselves in a box called "job" and turning a blind eye to the rest of our talents. Many work-life balance issues largely stem from this over-emphasis on only one aspect of your whole self and the inevitable neglecting of talents and interests that do not align with your job. Being laid off gives us an opportunity to explore our whole selves and challenge those assumptions we have made about our abilities and talents.
When Emily and I started Forging UX, in addition to the obvious reason of using a completely awesome company name, it was because we recognized we were really good at setting up teams and processes, and while that was a talent we had put to work at our place of work, it was something we wanted to do on repeat instead of just a "one and done." Many folks going through a layoff are exploring their talents in new ways and rediscovering talents they may not have explored before.
Inertia Is Sneaky
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." Will Rogers
Inertia is defined as the tendency for an object at rest to remain at rest. And that is precisely what happens to most people once they settle into a job - they stop moving and settle in. We get comfortable with the routines and rhythms of the job and we cease growing, challenging ourselves. Career inertia prevents us from trying new things - we become averse to being uncomfortable.
The idea of mental or behavioral inertia isn't new. We saw it as we started reopening after the pandemic. Anyone who has ever hit a plateau when training (or trying to lose weight - not that I've ever done that) knows how hard it is to overcome that comfortable steady state. But when you aren't striving towards a goal that has yet to be achieved, recognizing that we are experiencing inertia can be difficult - are you in the groove or in a rut? In the moment, it can be hard to tell the difference. It can take a disruption, such as a lay off, to help us challenge those assumption and habits and recognize that we were stalled. And it is important that we do. Being uncomfortable is where we have to be to learn and grow. When we experience discomfort, we challenge the status quo for ourselves and start to innovate and learn. We set goals that will stretch us. And we fail (but in a good way).
"Either you're brainwashed or you're weird."
Barbie, The Barbie Movie
When you are facing unemployment, you are automatically put in a very uncomfortable place, but one you may need to spur you to action, causing you to set new goals and aspirations. One colleague started exploring positions in teaching and training - something they had always enjoyed but not really pursued previously. They have a learning curve in front of them, but they are taking the time now to pursue that interest and possible new directions. Others are learning and exploring using AI in their job search and work - something they didn't feel the need to pursue previously when it didn't affect them.
We Take A Lot for Granted
"I want to take you for granted." Push, Match Box 20
To paraphrase Joni Mitchell in Big Yellow Taxi, you don't appreciate what you have until it's gone. This is true of people, things, and jobs. And it's not just the job itself. The work, the schedule, the equipment you use, the place you worked, the people you saw and interacted with daily - everything that consumed eight or more hours of your day, five or more days a week is gone when you get laid off. You might be fortunate enough to be part of a great online culture and still "see" folks from the office on a regular basis, but it cannot (and should not) be the same as what you had before. Part of the gut-wrench for you is that, whether you realized it or not, you had assumed they would always be there - that rhythm, schedule, people, place. To be fair, taking things for granted is not necessarily a bad thing - it can let us function more smoothly and securely than hyperawareness can. However, when that security vanishes, we are left with regrets, unprepared, and seeking to fill the void with something as close to what we lost as possible.
"The real world is forever and irrevocably messed up."
Barbie the Barbie Movie
Losing anything (and anyone) is hard and it may feel like it will never be ok again. But loss can also provide an opportunity. When I was growing up, we moved a lot (I attended three different high schools). Every time I moved, I felt like I lost everything - friends, my house, my activities - and it was hard and upsetting, especially when combined with the unforgiving stew that is teenage hormones. But, every time I moved, I also got an opportunity to be someone new. When we're around people for long enough, not only do you take them for granted, they take YOU for granted. Your talents, your quirks, your work rhythms - they make assumptions not only about what you do but about what you will do and, worse, what you CAN do. When I moved to a new school, I had a choice - who was I going to be? The straight A nerd too shy to talk to anyone? The gregarious social butterfly who never has a quiet Friday night? The serious leader who is a serial volunteer? Breaking other people's perceptions of you can be nearly impossible - but building new perceptions is easy. You have an opportunity when you leave one situation to re-invent who you are into who you want to be, building on lessons learned from your past.
Use the Experience
“If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got.” Mark Twain
At the end of the day, getting laid off isn't fun, but it can provide insight and incentive we may have needed. Whether it's exploring under-used talents and challenging the box your job had put you in, embracing the discomfort of overcoming inertia, or appreciating those things we took for granted, we can use this to be our best selves, take advantage of our abilities, and be appreciated for who we really are. And ultimately, be grateful for the opportunity.
Happy Thanksgiving y'all!
